I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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