you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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