Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize