i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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