Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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