she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was not drunk enough for that final.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
