His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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