i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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