don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
