Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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