I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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