woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
