Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
