Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My first STD was from a foam party
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
