Only a mothe r could love this liver
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
