everyone is single if you try hard enough
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
