The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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