I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
