can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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