I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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