man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
