He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
