And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
