dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
