I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
