I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
