Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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