So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
