I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize