I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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