I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
