I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
