Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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