I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was like eating out sand paper
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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