Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
