Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
