Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
