turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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