once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize