dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
