Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
