My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
