hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
