just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
