she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
