who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
