Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
