I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
