Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
