soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
