Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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