Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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