i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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