it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
