Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
