i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
