I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
