shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
