Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
