i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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