I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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