carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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