my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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