walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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