The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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