Will you blow on my dice?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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