Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
