we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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