This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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