it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
