Swine flu is the new snow day.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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