Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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