I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
