Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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