no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
