sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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